How To Write A Thought In A Story
How to write a person’s thoughts in a story can be a pain point for new writers looking to try their hand at fiction. Be it a flash fiction under 1,000 words or something longer like a short story, novella, or full-length novel, there may be a point in the narrative where knowing a character’s inner thoughts is important.
Before we look at the different ways you can include or format what a character thinks on your page, we need to explore the genuine reasons you might want to include them.
Top Tip: including a character’s thoughts should advance the narrative or character development in some way, shape or form. A lot of newer writers (myself included when I started out) can be guilty of adding in a character’s thoughts with no real reason to. There’s no specific rule against doing this in fiction but it can inflate your word count and add what we call ‘purple prose’ to your book. Put simply, if you don’t have a reason for a person’s thoughts to be included they probably shouldn’t be!
Why Include a Person’s Inner Thoughts?
There are a few reasons you may want to include a character’s thoughts in your narrative:
- It can create suspense or tension in a scene.
- It can reveal a true motive of a character.
- It can help to develop sub-text in dialogue.
- It can be a gateway into a character’s personality.
- It can help you flesh out narrative detail or plot points.
- It can be a literary device you can use to provide a reflective outlook on a character or situation – especially if you are using a 3rd party narrator.
The above list is by no means exhaustive, it could go on and on, but i’m sure you get the point. There’s plenty of genuine reasons to write a character’s thoughts in your story.
Writing A Person’s Thoughts
Now we get down to the nitty gritty; the writing part! The most important thing to remember when it comes to writing thoughts in your story is that there’s no definitive ‘rule’ for how you write it. What I mean by this is the formatting. This is usually what new writers mean when they ask the question, so let’s tackle that first.
There are several ways you can format someone’s thoughts:
- You can format it like dialogue. This is by far the simplest and easiest way to include it. The benefit of including thoughts in this format is that it is literally spelled out for the reader. If you are writing for younger audiences, this is usually the best way. For example:
- “I wonder what the weather will be like this afternoon,” Jake thought.
- You can use italics. If you are writing for a publication or writing a novel for publication, whoever is publishing your work will likely have house rules for the inclusion of thoughts in a story – so its always best to consult them. However, using italics is a good way to keep the text flowing without the ‘break’ in the text that can come with dialogue. For example:
- Jake looked out the window. I wonder what the weather will be like this afternoon. The clouds looked grim and dark, but distant.
- You can use a semi-colon. This format works best in stories or pieces of work that make use of a 3rd party narrator. However, it is usually used in conjunction with another formatting style, such as italics. So, why use a semi-colon and italics? An argument could be made that the semi-colon adds emphasis. A semi-colon is usually used to further elaborate on a statement or piece of information. In this context the ‘further elaboration’ that adds to a statement or piece of information would be the character’s thoughts. See below:
- Jake looked out the window at the distant, grey clouds; I wonder what the weather will be like this afternoon.
- You can use parenthesis. This is a fairly uncommon way to include a person’s thoughts and only really works when you are using a 3rd party narrator for your plot. I am not a huge fan as, for me, it feels rather informal and casual. This is fine for some styles of story (for instance a comedy or rom-com) but not for every kind of book in my opinion. Take a look at this example:
- Jake looked out the window on a day that was grey and cloudy (he wondered what the weather would be like this afternoon).
Again, this isn’t an exhaustive list and whoever you are writing for will likely have a preference on what format to use. If you are writing your own manuscript independent of a publishing house then feel free to do whatever you want (just be aware that if you do submit it to agents or publishing houses that they may have their own format and want to change it).
Conveying A Person’s Thoughts In Fiction
Something that doesn’t get talked about enough when this subject comes up (in my opinion) is how to accurately convey what a character is thinking. You can format a person’s thoughts any way you want but being able to convey what they are thinking is different. You don’t always need to write it plainly. Actions can, in certain scenes, speak a whole lot louder than words. This is especially true if you are writing a script rather than a novel or prose.
In essence, you can convey a character’s thoughts without writing them. You can show, rather than tell.
Sticking to prose for now, let’s explore that idea a bit more:
Writing Thoughts Through Description
- Jake eyed the grey clouds on the horizon with suspicion, he preferred the warmer weather.
From this the reader can infer what Jake may be thinking via sub-text without plainly saying it. This tactic is great for false-flag plot devices or leading you reader into a specific avenue of thought for a later reveal. Again, this tactic of conveying a person’s thoughts in the narrative can be used to paly around with the reader, see what happens when we remove a section of the sentence:
- Jake eye the grey clouds on the horizon with suspicion.
By simply removing ‘as he preferred the warmer weather’ we’ll now have the reader inferring more. Why did Jake eye the clouds with suspicion? This specific example is a bit limited for the possibilities of why, but i’m sure you understand the point!
Writing Thoughts As Opinions
Using other characters to build up expectations of the way a character thinks is another way in which thoughts can be conveyed in a narrative. For example:
- Emily looked to Jake, who eyed the grey clouds on the horizon with suspicion. She always pondered why he did so.
This works fine for a simple example but again, more ambiguity can be added by thinking about how you choose to reveal this information:
- Emily looked to Jake, who eyed the grey clouds on the horizon with suspicion.
Leaving this as an open statement and removing ‘she always pondered why he did so’ will give your reader more ‘thinking space’ to wonder about what Emily thinks of Jake themselves. This specific example doesn’t lend itself too much to that idea but the principle is the same.
Using other characters to establish the thoughts of your main protagonist or antagonist is a brilliant way to subvert expectations later on in the story. As all prose is dependant on who’s perspective the story is told from, using characters to flesh out their perceived notions of what your protagonist or antagonist is thinking leaves room for manipulation of the narrative (in a good way).
What Works Best For Writing A Person’s Thoughts?
When it comes to the idea of ‘best’ – there’s no one size fits all approach to writing someone’s inner thoughts into a narrative. The medium your writing within is the first thing to consider.
- Showing rather than telling works best for TV or film scripts, for example.
- Dialogue, writing it plainly, or using a 3rd person narrator are all great ways for prose.
But then you have genre to think about and how you want your book or piece of prose to feel. For instance:
- If you are writing a serious novel, it might be best to supplement a statement with a character’s thoughts. So, the semi-colon and italics example might work best for you.
- If you are writing a comedy, a 3rd person narrator using parenthesis may be the best way to go to add comedic impact.
- If you are writing a Young Adult fantasy, writing thoughts as dialogue may be best due to the lower grade reading level.
In essence, there’s no right or wrong way to write a person’s inner thoughts when it comes to prose. What works ‘best’ is what works well for your story and the feel you want your story to have. The only real exception to this rule is (like mentioned above) you are writing within the bounds of a house style.
To Conclude
When writing out thoughts in prose, its often best to choose the format and method you feel most comfortable with. After all, no matter who you pitch too, until they want to strike a deal with you it’s your manuscript!
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